Day 1 : My 16 Year Relationship, My Quest, My Burning Fire :)

As I flipped through the questions to ponder for today, the second question hit me like a truck and my first thought was my mother and how she would have felt answering this question. 16 years was how long my parents marriage lasted and that was also how long I had lived with both my parents under one roof. That relationship shaped me into who I am now. I have prayed many times for a reconciliation between my parents but do I actually want it? Would I be able to move into a house with both my parents? These questions really digged down deep within me.

I remember growing up and how it was a struggle to do anything. My parents were overprotective and I rebelled as much I could until the hitting started. That one relationship in my life screwed up my whole outlook on marriage and made me prepare for divorce more than marriage. I just felt I was destined to also end up divorced because I was not going to put in as much effort or taken for granted like my mother. There was so many things I learnt from just that one relationship I grew up with.

But that one relationship was also the reason why I started seeking a relationship with God. Because when the people I depended on crumbled, God was the only one there. It has been 6 years and I have reconciled with my past but that 16 year relationship has affected the way I think and the way I do things in my life which links back to the first question of how my birth family and birthplace has affected my growth in holiness. The absence of my parents made me seek God because I wanted to know His plans for me. I had big plans for myself as I grew up but when everything seemed to not work out, He seemed to have a better plan for me. You know when people say God can bring out the best even in a difficult situation, they were not kidding :)

Which brings me to my third question of my journey to accomplish something. My biggest struggle was to get my mother more involved in church but when I asked her to join me on my 33 Days of Morning Glory with the church, she finally said yes. My mother prays like A LOT. She wakes up super early to do her novenas and daily readings and she also prays before bedtime. All I wanted to do was to get her to have a community to grow with her spiritually because I feel you cannot walk this journey of faith alone. So I am hoping this retreat starts a fire in her :)

When I decided to join this retreat, it was to journey with my loved ones - my mother, grandmother and boyfriend. So now when I think about it, I don't exactly know why I'm here. Maybe Mama Mary has a plan for me? All I know is that I'm ready to get to know her and what she has in store for me :)